" Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap..."
At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I've realized my time to "leap" has come. When i find its best to sit in silence, than open my mouth and take a chance of hearing more than i care to hear its time to do my own thing. More often then not i find myself second guessing myself and going off of what others insist is best for me, only to find out it wasn't. Then I'm left back tracking and picking up the pieces doing it all over again.
This time around i have to do things my way...well mine and his =} who we are "together" or not is nobody's business. What we plan to do is our business...how we plan to live our lives matters to only us. I feel judging eyes, and hear certain whispers and can't help but wonder why? Then it hits, it doesn't matter why, its your thing...your issue. Say what you feel think what you must and enjoy your life. I need no excuse or explanation. If you're not happy or cant be apart of my life without judgement i ask you to please take a walk.
I'm doing things for myself and for my children. If that doesn't suit you i dunno what to tell you. Please respect my wishes and understand that i do love and appreciate my family and friends more than anything...but this life is mine to live.
I'm not angry, hurt, broken, sad...i don't need to be fixed or counseled or see a doctor. I'm actually in a very good place at the moment and have a pretty decent guy at my side. I'm making plans for my future and ask that you send me some good vibes and wish me well. But i definitely understand if its not possible...and i wish YOU the very best.