Sunday, July 3, 2011

My wish...

I started writing last night. I wrote out a few paragraphs reliving this time last year, although the pain and emotion of it all was not the same...something didnt feel right. I decided to leave it alone and finish my thoughts with a clear mind. Im glad that I did that. When I woke up I realized, I was focused on the past...when I should have been focused on now & my future. Instead of thinking on what was and whats lost...i should be thinking on what I have and whats to come.

One year ago today, my life completely changed. Though I didnt realize it then, it was definitely for the better. 10 years of my life had been spent with this person who promised to honor love and cherish me...and it was all tossed down the drain. He made his choices and did the things that he did, he didnt think about our family or the affects it would have on them. For a long time I couldnt imagine how I was going to live my life without him. How was I to go through the days without him there? Then it hit me...i already was...and I was ok.

My life did not end. It hurt...starting over alone. The comfortable space I had been in for so long was gone, but a new me was born. For the first time in 10 years I was free to live my life the way that I saw fit. Without regret I pushed through the rough days focusing on what mattered most and what would never let me family.

This morning I'm able to sit back and smile. Im able to think of my children and know that my life will always be ok as long as they are happy and healthy. My goal in this life is to raise my children to have confidence in who they are, and to always have faith in who they are and the choices that they make. To know that they do not NEED somebody to make them who they are...or who they wish to become. All things are possible and above all else to love without fear.

Over the last month or so Ive grown attached to the song "My Wish" by Rascall Flatts...I hear the song and tears fill my eyes thinking of my babies. Im not sure who this song was originally written for, but it is the most appropriate song for the feelings I have about them. They are part of the reason I am who I am today, if ever there was a thing I did right in my was having them.

Jr, Ana, Jacob, and are the reason I wake up everyday! My reason for everything...nobody will ever make my life as happy & complete as you do. Every day of my life I am thankful for being your mother...I cherish the moments together, even when they arent ideal. You are my babies no matter how tall you get :) & even when you have babies of your own. I look forward to the coming years...watching you grow into teenagers...adults...and where your life path takes you. You will always have my full support in the roads you long as you are true to yourself and doing what feels right in your heart, I will always be proud of you. You are my life my angels my everything and I love you!

"My wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to...your dreams stay big your worries stay small you never nees to carry more than you can hold...and while youre out there gettin where youre gettin to, I hope you know somebody loves you...yeah my wish..."
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