Monday, April 26, 2010

"Sissy's Song..."

"Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe"

Dear Grace,

Today my goal was to get through one song without crying, and I did. So I went for a's still playing so we will see how that goes. I cried today in the car on my way home from work, and yesterday while I was doing the dishes. It's funny to me sometimes that I think of you while I wash the dishes & cry. I'm not sure why but it happens a lot. Tomorrow is your birthday, we have mini chocolate cupcakes with yellow would have liked how bright they are. I wanted to get that chocolate cake with flan on top but was afraid I'd eat it I didn't. PS...I didn't make it through the second song.

"She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me"

Although I can totally hear you saying "Don't worry 'bout me" I can't imagine you "walking with jesus" more like I see you dancing with him, but not in a graceful all lala kind of way...I see you teaching him to dance cumbia & making him get down to Gap Band with you. Laughing your crazy ass laugh & telling him he's not doing it right. Truthfully in your eyes I'm not sure anybody could do it "right" I hear songs by Mana and they are bitter sweet. You hated them but you suffered through them for me and Abel. I laughed the first time I heard them after you were gone you always let out the most obnoxious sigh & growl...haha it wasn't THAT bad!

"Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe"

I've never really felt anger towards God for you having to leave. I've just told myself you were needed else where. There is a huge feeling of emptiness, which I know in time will slowly fill up some...but we all know it will never be completely whole again. Its ok though. I'm learning that they don't always have to be sad thoughts, memories, or even tears...there's so many good & happy memories I shared with you. Like the look on your face when I asked you & Abel to baptize Ana or when we told you that Kaili's middle name was Grace. But seriously one of my favorites was the time you caught up with that girl who gave me hell, you rode up on her while she was riding her bike & scared her so bad she rode into a ditch haha definitely good times.

"It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause...

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me"

Tomorrow is your birthday, and although you won't be here for me to call Ill be singing to you. Ill be playing Ramon Ayala & Gap Band & maybe even doing your booty dance in my chones the way you used to. I miss you terribly, but I know you're watching over me...and for that reason Ill be ok.

I love you...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I hear ya knockin but you can't come out...

Dear Skinny Bitch...

Stop pestering me, I'm tired of hearing bout' that new pair of jeans you want. Just buy shoes, you don't have to work out to buy a new pair of shoes. You don't have to count points, watch your fat intake or be sure you get in enough fiber & you sure as shit don't have to work out for 40 plus minutes a day collecting boob sweat in your sports bra for a sexy pair of shoes. And YES shoes can be sexy!

I'm sick of your bitching & complaining of wanting to go for a run, who wants to run? You have a car in your drive way, running will make your car cry. ass jiggles when I run. It's so not attractive.

When I think of the healthy meals you wanna prepare for me, I think of sitting on you! I want nothing more than to tie you down to a chair & force feeding you some cheesecake & taquitos with guacamole & sour cream...I'll even throw in a Diet Coke, you know it sounds good bitch don't lie!

I know your thinking you can beat me...but I'm a big bitch, and I dare you to try and take the cheesecake out of my hand =)