Monday, October 15, 2012
Well well well...look who finally showed up!! Yes, Ive been M.I.A a while...Ive done a really good job and keeping myself out of "trouble" and keeping my thoughts and rants SEMI contained...although lately Ive really wondered why? Maybe it was a sense of trying to protect people? not wanting to hurt feelings? Or just tired of saying what I feel and not being heard? Either way Ive come to that point again where it has to come out or that Skinny bitch inside me is finally going to make an appearance, not by way of diet and exercise but by my big ass just plain and simply exploding!
It would be so much easier if I sat here and posted lyrics to get my point across, but lately Ive realized that some are too closed minded to even get something as simple as a song. Im tired. Trying to keep myself together as a single mother is a hard fucking job. Never mind trying to keep it together for friends and family too. Wanting to be there for every friend in need is something thats not possible, maybe in a perfect world but mine is far from perfect.
I always say dont ask me if youre looking for a sugarcoated bullshit answer...Ive joked of making it into a shirt or even a tattoo. I really should come with a warning label as it seems most still just dont get it and end up "upset" with me and my mouth. I refuse to apologize for honesty...or the fact that some folks live in denial. We all have fucking issues...we all have problems in life anyone who says they dont have something thats wrong, messed up, or just fucked up is lying. It comes in different levels for us all, but who the fuck are YOU to judge? I KNOW my problems, I know my issues. I KNOW what in my life could use changing and needs to be fixed. I fully accept who I am what Ive done in life good and bad and I make no excuses. I drink because I like to drink. I have sex because I like to have sex I cuss because I like to do it I dont wear red because I dislike the 9ers haha just kidding but you get where Im going with it right?? Im not making excuses for what I do Im open and honest...for someone to sit and tell me "that comes from somewhere, you have something deep down in you causing that" wow...just makes me shake my head at that.
Who the fuck are you?? There is nothing "wrong" with me for liking the things that I like...its not like Im out fucking goats or stealing babies, although I have joked about stealing lil ginger babies I see...But seriously can somebody tell me Where did all these judgmental people come from? I had no idea it was getting so bad within my own circle. I do understand how people become jaded and turn "angry" I see that, and Ive been there and have felt that just unhappy...with life in general. Its an easy place to live, in the dark. Youre usually lonely there though. Lately Ive decided that those people, those ones who like it there in the dark are the ones that I really just dont want around me. I need people who have open minds, who can find good in bad situations. People who can laugh at life and know that the world isnt going to end because things dont go your way. People who can hear a song like "Im Alive" by Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews and just GET IT! If you havent heard that song you should...Some of you should put that shit on repeat until it sinks in. This is the only life you have, spending it obsessed with the past or the bullshit thats happened to you or WORSE the lives that other people are living is just sad. I never knew that my life was so interesting that you sit & pick me apart. Learn from your bullshit, your fuck ups, the pain...those are the BEST lessons in life. The ones that hurt or have caused you to feel, especially if what you felt was true pain. Emotional or physical its a lesson worth remembering.
Think twice on the shit you say. If youre not confident and secure with yourself the last thing you should do is open your mouth about others. Remember when you speak on others and spit out that shit you dislike about somebody, as it could be describing something about the person youre sitting next to, that you have the nerve to call a friend. You dont know what people keep hidden inside. or in my case...whats right in front of you, youre just too caught up in yourself to see...