Thursday, November 21, 2013
where you invest your love...
My problem though, is when these things are done, and for whatever reason there is immediate judgment on everyone who no longer fits the molds of the NEW moral high ground. Don’t forget who you are, who you may have been, or things that you’ve done in your past! Just because you’ve had success in learning to grow or make changes doesn’t mean you’re now in a place of authority that grants you free reign on judgment.
We all are guilty of doing it. Judging one person or another for various reasons. We are all guilty of talking shit, and all guilty of making poor choices. I’m guilty. I’ve done them all…and probably WILL do it again. Although I can safely say I try my best to not to judge others. When it happens, I remind myself that I am not perfect and I do not live in their shoes. I may not agree with it and shake my head at it but really it’s not my life. I have the right to stay and be a part of it, and the right to walk away. We all do. “Worry about your piece of the pie” … I heard that years ago and repeat it often.
I’ve taken my own road on more than one occasion. I’ve walked away from friendships and family members who’ve had negative impacts in my life. I’ve also forgiven and gone back on my feelings and accepted some of these people back in my life. The reasons I walked away in the first place had nothing to do with not caring. Just needed time to reevaluate the path I wanted to take in my own personal life. Knowing I had no right to ask or demand changes of these people, I had to make the choice to accept it fully even though I disagreed or to walk. In some cases I walked, and haven’t looked back. Others, I’ve said it’s ok to make an effort. I do so cautiously…but I allow myself to do so because 2nd chances and forgivness is in my heart. Trying to love without limits, it’s what I strive for… it comes easy with your children and your significant other. Not as easy with those outside your immediate circle.
I can’t be angry that somebody isn’t living up to my standards. I can’t be angry that they walk different paths than me and bash them or hold them accountable when they had no idea my standards for them ever existed. I can’t punish them by constantly kicking them in the ass when they aren’t looking and claim it was the guy next to me. Imagine how you’d feel if it was done to you? It’s a shitty feeling. I’ve been feeling it lately.
I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it… I am NOT perfect. I’m fat, I’m short, I curse a lot, I drink alcohol and sometimes I drink a lot, I’ve done things I am not proud of…and I often put my foot in my mouth. I see people I have been compared to growing up and see they aren’t perfect either. I realize I never should have allowed the comparisons hurt me as much as they did. I never should have allowed those who made the comparisons to have the energies they took from me. Some 16, 17 years later I see their own insecurities and realize they are comparing themselves to somebody too. Rather than point them out though, I just leave it alone. Because I’m nobody to point out everyone else’s faults.
The beauty of all of this, is that my husband still loves me. Yes, I said husband! It’s been awhile… and things have changed for me yet again. That’s another post, what was I saying? Oh yeah…My husband still loves me, and my children still love me…and most who know me that care to be a part of my life accept me as I am. For that I am thankful. It’s why I try hard to better myself in whatever ways I can…the little changes I make are enough to keep me moving forward and with that I can be happy.
I won’t judge you for choices you make to move yourself into a better place. I won’t judge you if you choose not to change at all and you are content to live your life exactly the same. Just don’t judge if I’m not able to be there, as I may need to make a change that puts our paths on separate roads. I’m tired of the ugliness that’s spreading like a wildfire… it’s starting young too. I hear my kids talking about thing happening in their schools and it makes me sad. Even at 8 years old they feel the same type of judgment I’m getting now at almost 36 years old.
You don’t have to like me, you don’t have to accept me or the choices that I make…it is ok. I understand!
BUT please hear this… I won’t stop going to the places I love because you might be there. I won’t stop talking to friends that I have because you don’t like them, or they may be your friends too. I won’t stop listening to the music that I love or dancing the way that I do, I won’t stop talking and I won’t stop being who I am…
because I’m ok with who I am.
“In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die…and where you invest your love, you invest your life…”