There are times I just want life to stop. Saying "life goes on" or "life must go on" just seems so inappropriate sometimes. Do I know its true? Yes. do I know its just how some deal with loss and change in their lives? Yes. Do I have to accept it? No, not all the time. Sometimes its ok to be selfish and want answers to those questions you cant figure out. Its ok to be angry or sad at the change & loss youre dealing with. In the end though, life does go on. But sometimes...we just need a time out from it all. Take a breather, think about how you really wanna handle things, or just break down without having to explain why. Its ok to say "no im not ok" "no im not alright, but I will be I just need time"...i forget that. Constantly saying "im ok" well today im not feeling ok.
I can sit lost in thought, fighting back tears asking myself why it has to be? Why does he have to leave? Why was it his turn to go? Why did they feel the need to cut their lives short...but my answers arent going to come. I end up more confused by it all. Feeling just a lil more lost and alone.
Today I dont have the right song, today im not even sure if the words are right, I just know that today my heart is heavy. I am sad and my usual ways of dealing arent helping. Trying to focus my thoughts amd energies on different things has been impossible, so ill stop trying. Instead im just going to take my selfish day and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I have learned this though, if that person comes into your life and you feel like they are the right one for you...let them know. Dont be afraid of the fight or the struggle to make things work. In the end, if your feelings were right it will be worth it. "wilder than an 8 second ride..." ;) im ready to ride...
Take a moment to tell your loved ones what they mean to you, tomorrow is not promised.
To my own family and friends...my life IS everything I could ask for because you are apart of me. You are the reasons I sing smile and dance, almost everyday. I love you and I am thankful for every day you are around.
RIP JG...you will be missed. my other boys in Brown whove left us as well...you are not forgotten.