Saturday, November 3, 2012

im dizzy...

Having to restrict or filter yourself is such a shitty feeling. Im not good with filters. Writing and saying whats in my head has always been my release. Honestly Im still real tempted to say to hell with it all. Lord knows the shit on my mind isnt a lie...

The last few days Ive had so many things and people in my head. Almost felt like the kid in 6th sense with all the people in his head...only most of mine werent dead. *filters herself* Yes...its come to this. Filters...what a fucking crock. I shall state for the record I do not wish any sort of harm, pain, death...or anything of the sort on ANYBODY...yes I said ANYBODY.

Im completely lost and so incredibly happy at the same time. Serious clusterfuck of emotion. A daily struggle of keeping my head above water and attempting to not lose myself while falling for the most amazing eyes Ive ever looked into... it would be my luck that the two happen at the same time. If I end up bald from stress I wonder if he will still want me? That would definitely be head is shaped like a butt!

sad...I dont think Ive struggled this much before getting things out. Maybe its not meant to be said yet. Yeah a lot of shit sucks ass right now, but I also have a lot of great things going on too. Somebody has managed to walk into my life and has the key I didnt think would ever be found again. Not like this... its actually scary but so perfect at the same time. He brings happy thoughts and emotions during a time that I need it most...and in the most genuine ways. There is no way it could ever be wrong. Regardless of what happens between the two of us I know he is in my life for a reason.

He gave me music...not sure I need to say anything else. Well I couldnt...SHOULDNT. SOOO I wont...yeah i know it probably makes no sense...probably just a jumbled mess of garbage. Welcome to my head. If I were you, Id look for an exit. Clearly my head isnt suitable for everyone.

Since Im unable to say as I feel...I resort to the lyrics in my head...

"I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain..."

***Please note that I am not seeking advice. Relationship or otherwise. Im just clearing my head. I know what Im doing. Thank you for your love and support.

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