Full throttle...

The highlight of my year... to say the least. "Amazing man" asked me to be his wife and I happily accepted... We promised to love one another in good times and bad, through thick and thin, bad choice in football teams, and gassy nights in bed. I don't believe that I could have ended my year in any other way that would make me as happy as I am today. It used to be that I'd hear couples get all sappy and talk about how they married their best friend, I'd totally wanna gag and roll my eyes. I can honestly say that I know what that's like now... yeah, it's cool... you can gag now!

The year came and went faster than I ever could have imagined. I spent a better part of my night thinking back on all of the new experiences this past year brought me. I'm thankful for all the memories I take away from it, and even more thankful for the lessons learned.

In 2013 I watched my first born graduate high school.

It was one of my most proudest moments, as his mama... to see him walk across that stage to accept his diploma. That damn kid put more grey hair on my head than I'd like to admit. OoOh boy the days I wanted to just strangle his lil ass...he was awful! lol thank goodness he has grown into a good boy and now has a girlfriend that can take over the job of keeping his ass in line. I hope she likes hair dye!

I went to my first and probably LAST 49ers game! haha a new experience for sure, glad to say I had it. Enjoyed the day with the man I love surrounded by thousands of folks who made me wanna bang my head on the wall. BUT out of that came a new friend, a Niner faithful at that!! If I hadn't gone to that game I may not have gotten the chance to meet her in person and give her a big ole hug...now I just love her to bits.

You can't tell it here, but that was a Crabtree jersey I was wearing. I put on my big girl panties and fully, ok I lied not fully...but I TRIED to support my husbands team. It's just so damn hard! A few months back we went to our first Raiders game together, he lovingly supported me and wore my colors! He's totally a better man than me!

Bought a new camera and discovered a new passion...

Tahoe City, North Shore the morning after we got married. It's actually the place that he took me to on our first date. We've gone back here several times over the year, it was only right that we spent our wedding night there. I'm sure we will spend many more weekends there in 2014

Photos I took at Jessie's Grove in Lodi. We decided to check out the place where we were going to have our engagement pics taken...we loved it so much we ended up getting married there too!

Treasure Island San Francisco. Went there for a friends wedding and took a photo of the spot that my oldest and I used to fish at when he was still in diapers. A lot of great memories in that photo. It was nice to go back...nice to share that with Travis. I've yet to learn everything about my camera, but I plan to use the hell out of it in the months to come. Travis turns 36 in May, he doesn't know the details yet...but I have a full weekends worth of activities that I'm know will bring some new memories and great photos!

I've decided to pick just a few of the many good things I've experienced this year... I really could keep going and going but eventually I'd have somebody knocking on the door looking to be fed. Although there was a ton of loss and heartache over the year I've decided to focus on the good. Putting the rest to bed...and keeping the memories of the good with me. I'm so thankful for all the memories and the lessons...without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. I am motivated, determined, inspired, creative, loved, and happy...I am exactly where I need to be. I am doing exactly as I should be and there ain't a damn thing wrong with that! Here's to new friendships, and old ones who still hold strong. To those who believe in building you up instead of tearin you down. I've got life ahead of me... Goals and lifestyle changes and I'm takin the bull by the horns!!

"full throttle wide open...Don't stop til the job get's done..."

You'd better hold on tight baby!!!

Skinny Bitch needs a table for 9...

"Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free...So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this..."


So here I am...alive at last!! It's kind of weird saying it out loud. I can't take away from all the good and happy memories that I shared with my kids, loved ones, and friends...because in those times and moments I was very much alive and happy. I guess the best way to explain it is to go back a little bit.

I used to have to keep a list, It was called "5 things to be thankful for every day (other than family, friends, food)" I forced myself to find 5 things every day that I should be thankful for. Some days it was easy as I usually had good people around me which would result in happy days or great conversations that kept my mind from what was really going on. Other days, it would take me longer than it should have to come up with my list. Those days made me sad. Totally taking for granted the fact that I was alive each day as I struggled to find a reason I hadn't already listed days before. It wasn't until last night that I realized how much I wasn't LIVING my life as I should have been. Did I make the best of the life I had? Yes. I'd like to think so. Out of not 1 but 2 failed marriages I walked away with 4 amazing children that I'd give my life for at any given moment. I came away with new experiences. Ones I'll always remember for good and bad reasons. Most of all I came away with lessons learned. Oh yeah baby...I learned!! Definitely the most valuable thing next to my kids.

A friend reached out to me last night asking about my 2nd marriage and what happened that led to us finally separating...giving her the short version and hearing her reasons for wanting to know opened my eyes to what was in front of me. I'm typing away without hesitation thinking of the wonderful man in my life and how he has accepted my children and I into his life. How he much his sons remind me of their father, and always make me laugh with the way they interact with each other. The way they always find a way to make fun of me for my football team without fail...lol these turds just make my heart happy...and it hit me. I'm alive again. FULLY ALIVE!! Instead of a man to tell me how to act or look I have one who compliments me and enjoys the sassy side of me. He encourages me to speak my mind and always be honest. I've never had that! He tells me to stop dancing in public on occasion lol but I am used to that as my kids have been doing that to me since they could start talking. He knows I love music and I'm always dancing, so sometimes he doesn't say a word he just walks away. haha but he let's me do my thing because it's what makes me happy. He doesn't care if my legs aren't shaved or if I've brushed my teeth yet he will kiss me...and hug me first thing in the morning. He will tell me if I have a booger in my nose and tell me if I'm being bitchy and need to check my attitude. He's the first person I talk to every day and soon he will be the person I kiss good night, every night!

We both have a past...things that have hurt us, scarring us, and leaving us doubtful of future relationships. Understanding each others past and hesitation we may have we took a chance. The similarities were almost scary. That alone bonded us. We have started talking about "our home"...have started looking around online at places to rent for awhile before we buy a home of our own. We've casually planned our "redneck wedding" haha joking of course...well I was, definitely not wearing a coon hat as I ride a quad down the isle. Though I do like the idea of the quad ;) we aren't rushing into anything. Just talking...but I do enjoy knowing that I have someone in my life that I can imagine growing old with.

The skinny bitch inside me is still dying to get out...and she will forever be in there. Most likely choking on all the foods I manage to inhale haha I am very happy to say that I am slowing moving forward in a new direction with my blogging. After discussing it with him, and getting feedback from trusted friends and family my Skinny Bitch is going to transition into a blog that is a little more family focused, and a little less spur of the moment rants. Although I don't doubt that some will find their way in there. After all neither of us has ever attempted blending a family of 9 before. Travis has never had daughters before, and I've never had 6 boys in the house at the same time. Did I mention that we come from 3 different ethnic backgrounds?? and 2 very different religions as well!? With kids staying in different cities part time, Oh and there are Ex's we are dealing with and holy crap I have to feed everyone!? All while trying to stay on a budget...because we DO like to have fun too :) It's definitely not going to be an easy road...but I do trust it will be an entertaining one. As long as I have him by my side, I'm 100% sure we will get through it all and I look forward to every minute of it!! Table for 9 coming up... stay tuned!

Youd better believe Im FEARLESS...

Its been ages since Ive sat in my bed with the urge to just write. To just let it all out...then again, its been ages since Ive felt the way that I do. I thought I felt this before, not too long ago. Im realizing now it wasnt what I wanted it to be, and its ok that it didnt happen like I wanted. "Sometimes we thank god for unanswered prayers" Yes me and my songs...I know. I cant help it...it helps express what I cant put into words on my own.

I cant deny the excitement that comes over me when I hear his voice, or that feeling I get inside when he talks about "us" the thought of there being an US makes me smile. Its one of those things that happens in your life, its so good and feels so right but my fear of it not being true or ending the wrong way keep me from wanting to talk about it. Not wanting to "jinx" what we may have going. Little by little I let the trusted few in on the details, and as expected they have their opinions, keeping in mind they only want whats best for me, I listen...try and take it all in. I make my lists, the pros and cons...and seek advice only to find Im more confused with the whole situation and more unsure of which direction I should take ONLY to realize nobody truly knows what I feel inside.

With a less than perfect situation in front of us, I cant help but feel like there is something good here. Despite the rough start we may have had there is a part of me that has to give in and follow the advice I gave out to a "friend" in a similar situation. "You miss the shots you dont take" Giving into the fear I will never know if this "us" is the real deal. Ill never know if his words are true...if his love for me is real. I dont wanna miss that shot. I dont want to take the chance of not knowing...


Almost a year ago, my heart was completely broken by a man that I loved...who said that he loved me too. Somebody very close to me sent me a link to a song "Fearless" I heard the song read the lyrics and cried my eyes out. It became my anthem. It made me sad to think of what I had lost and what Id never have again. As time went on, it wasnt sadness I felt, but strength. I was changing and coming to the realization that it was something I had lost with that person and and it was something Id never have again with him, but there was no doubt in my mind that Id have it again one day with someone new. Now almost a year later I come back to the same song...its come full circle.

"and if I end up lonely, at least I will be there knowing...I believe in love..."